The Ticket Inspector

Scene.       : A Compartement on a train
Players.    : A passenger on a train
                      A ticket inspector
                      A train attendant
                      A waiter

The passenger is sitting in a compartement on a train. He is reading a newspaper.
The train attendant opens the door.
Attendant.    : Coffee?
Passenger.  : No, thanks.

The train attendant leaves. The waiter comes.
Waiter.      : Seats for dinner?
Passenger: No, thanks.

The waiter leaves. The ticket inspector opens the door.)
Inspector.    : Ticket!
Passenger.  : No, thanks.
Inspector.    : Pardon?
Passenger.  : I don't want a ticket. Thank you.
Inspector.   : I'm not selling tickets, Sir.
Passenger.  : No?
Inspector.    : No, I want to see your ticket.
Passenger.   : Oh, I haven't got a ticket.
Inspector.   : You haven't got a ticket?
Passenger.  : No, I never buy a ticket.
Inspector.    : Why not?
Passenger.  : Well, they are expensive, you know.
Inspector.    : Sir, you're travelling on a train. When people travel on a train they always buy a ticket.
Passenger.  : Errr...
Inspector.    : And this is a first class compartment.
Passenger.  : Yes, it is very nice, isn't it?
Inspector.    : No, Sir. I mean this is a first class compartment. When people travel in a first class compartment they always buy a first class ticket.

(They look at each other for a moment)
Passenger.  : No, they don't.
Inspector.    : What?
Passenger.  : A lot of people don't buy tickets. The Queen doesn't but tickets, does she?
Inspector.    : No, Sir. But she is a famous person.
Passenger.   : And what about you? Where's yours?
Inspector.    : Mine?
Passenger.  : Yes, yours. Your ticket. Have you got a ticket?
Inspector.     : No, I haven't got a ticket.
Passenger.   : Oh... are you a famous person?
Inspector.     : (flattered) Famous? Well, not very ..(back serious) Sir, I am a ticket inspector. I inspect tickets. Are you going to show me your ticket?
Passenger.  : No, I haven't got a ticket.
Inspector.    : I see.

(The inspector puts his hand into his pocket)
Passenger.  : What are you going to do?
Inspector.    : I'm going to write your name in my book.
Passenger.  : Oh.
Inspector.    : What is your name, Sir?
Passenger.  : Mickey Mouse.
(The inspector begins to write.)
Inspector.    : Mickey....
Passenger.  : Mouse...M O U S E
(The inspector stops writing)
Inspector.    : Your name, Sir!
Passenger.  : Bill Gates? Lionardo Dicaprio? Shakespeare?
Inspector.    : I see, Sir. Well, if you're not going to tell me your name, please leave the train.
Passenger.  : Pardon?
Inspector.    : Leave the train!
Passenger.  : I can't.
Inspector.    : you can't what?
Passenger.  : I can't leave the train.
Inspector.    : Why not?
Passenger.  : It's moving.
Inspector.    : Not now, Sir. At the next station.
Passenger.  : Oh.
Inspector.     : It's in the book, Sir. When you travel by train, you buy a ticket, and if you don't buy a ticket, you ...
Passenger.   : ...leave the train.
Inspector.     : That's right.

The train arrives at the station.
Inspector.    : Here we are, Sir. We're coming to a station. Please leave the train now.
Passenger.  : Now?
Inspector.    : Yes, Sir. I'm sorry, but..
Passenger.  : Ah..that's OK.
Inspector.    : It's in the book, and... what did you say?
Passenger.  : I said "that's OK."
Inspector.    : OK?
Passenger.  : Yes, this is my station. Goodbye.
(The passenger leaves the train)